Another big *sigh*

It was pretty stupid of me, thinking that something would go right this evening.

I hadn't knit any of the wedding stole in days, so I thought I'd try one row. Who needs a lifeline? This is pretty easy.

So no lifeline. Now no life.

I messed up that row so bad that it can't be undone. I'll have to rip the entire thing out to get to the point where I know what to do--and that's to start over completely. I do not have the strength to restart this thing. I've messed up at the same stinking point twice, with two different yarns, and I cannot do it again.

So I'm looking online again for a pattern that is simple enough for a dunce to follow, and it has to be laceweight. Oh, and it has to have thousands of beads.

Aren't there any beautiful patterns that are also really simple? Like simple enough to do in the evenings when work has totally defeated me and my mind no longer works? Somewhere?

Suggestions?

Almost FO

I finished the last row last night and started--or so I thought--the castoff. Um, yeah. That didn't go so well. I thought it was a perfectly normal castoff, but the way it's written, I just can't get my mind around it. So I tried one, it wasn't right, and put it aside to ask Claudia about it today.

This isn't a good representation of the beauty and color of this yarn, but with the flash, the brown was far too red. It need sunlight, and it's pouring again today. I finished it last night after the sun went down, of course.

I was knitting this from one huge (500 grams) ball of yarn, all from one hank, which was a bear to wind into a ball by hand. I didn't want any ends to weave in. Chester decided to change that.

Chester the Cat is very very naughty when it comes to yarn. He doesn't play with it and get it tangled in knots. He doesn't grab it like Zippy does and drag it down the hall, completely unharmed. He's a Stealth Yarn Cutter. He sneaks up when I leave my knitting for only a minute and chews the yarn in half, then sneaks off. I usually don't know it's happened till I come to a wet section of yarn and realize that something's amiss.

With this knit, I've been extremely careful to keep the yarn out of Chester's reach. I don't leave it sitting for even a second. I've kept the yarn in the plastic bag in a Sephora bag, pulling out just enough to knit with. But in one unguarded moment when I pulled out too much, he cut it.

(Why is Blogger turning photos on their sides? I don't have time to delete and reupload this morning.)

So there are a couple extra ends to be woven in. I hate weaving in ends.

Damn cat.

The Stupids continue

What is it with my brain? Why can't I take a simple knit and purl pattern and just knit it, dammit?

There's nothing difficult about this thing. Nothing. N o t h i n g. So why can't I just get on with it?

True to form, I'm unknitting more than I actually knit. Claudia's gonna rip this baby out of my hands and forbid me to ever touch her yarn again. Yes, it's that bad. I should have finished it a week ago, but I'm still struggling with it.

If I tell you a secret, will you keep it? Promise? I discovered what I consider to be a pretty major flaw in my knitting last night, but I did not rip it out. Nope, I just struggled with my ocd-ness and let it go. Just breathe through it. Don't go back. Okay, it's probably not that big a deal, but I'm hoping that Claudia won't notice it. I think that I knit a few too many rows of double short rows, but it's symmetrical, so it should be okay. At least, that's what I tell myself.

You can't tell that I'm postponing picking that knitting back up, can you?

I got The Stupids

I sincerely believe that school systems should give out paid mental health days. I don't know exactly what has caused it, but I've got a bad case of The Stupids and am plumb out of sick leave this year. I could use a couple of mental health days about now.

I don't know if it's the long stretch between spring break (week after Easter, but we Must. Not. call it Easter Break) and Memorial Day with no days off, or if it's traveling so much on the weekends, or if it's this pattern I'm test-knitting for Claudia, but I'm Stupid. Nothing goes right. I can't think any longer. The simplest tasks become monumental disasters. I don't want to work.

Not that that's news. But after feeling so great since spring break, right now I just want to hide. The feeling started yesterday and is getting stronger. I don't want to do the things my boss asks me to do. I don't have any energy or motivation. I want to go outside and feel the sun on my face and do nothing.


I take that back. I do want to plant the flowers and herbs I bought last week. We have a great horticulture program here at school and they grew some particularly nice flowers and herbs this spring. I took home three boxes, bought several more at WalFart, and I want to dig in the dirt and see the color of the flowers and smell the herbs. I just don't want to do it today.






But the worst part of The Stupids is affecting my knitting. Claudia asked me to test-knit a pattern for her using her glorious Fingering 55, 55% silk 45% merino, in an earthy colorway (if I could remember what it was, I'd tell you, but The Stupids has interfered with my memory, which is bad on a good day). It's a simple pattern, garter stitch, yo, slip first stitch purl last stitch pattern. Wouldn't you think I could handle that? After all, I can knit socks. If I can knit socks, I can knit this with my eyes closed.


Well, knitting it in the dark certainly didn't help any, but I kept forgetting to purl the last stitch, and that's crucial to the look--and the blocking--of the piece, so I've un-knit more than I've actually knitted. Many, many times. I'm ready to throw the whole thing into the river. Any river. The creek at home will do. But that gorgeous yarn, and my fear of Claudia's reaction, plus the promise of much more yarn when I turn this finished piece in, keeps it in my hands or knitting bag where I'll give it yet one more try. And another. And another and another and another.

Because I sure don't expect the rest of this thing to go any better.

(This doesn't show the luminous beauty of this yarn at all. Maybe someday I'll get a photo in the sun--if I ever get out in the sun again, that is.)